Becoming Fearless
May 23rd, 2008 by lisa
Yesterday I had the mother-of-all panic attacks. I’m talking full-scale, industrial-strength, china syndrome meltdown. It was triggered by fear. By unreasoning, imagined bad things. This has happened to me before, although not for a long time. I thought I was getting better. So I’m assuming that this recent attack was aided and abetted by the stress I’ve been dealing with lately.
It made me start to think about the root cause of these panic attacks. Every time I’ve had one it was triggered by worry. And the only things I tend to worry about are things that haven’t happened yet. When things are tough, I don’t worry, I just handle it. I may get stressed, but I don’t worry. And I never panic. The only thing that makes me panic is worrying about things that haven’t happened, but might happen.
So, it seems, the root cause of these episodes is fear. But why do I fear so much? I know that my mom has done this to herself. I’ve seen her do this, when worrying about something that may happen (or have happened) to someone she cares about. So maybe it’s genetic. I suppose it could be a learned experience. It baffles me, because I’m by nature a very reasoning sort of person. I remember being teased when I was growing up, being called ‘Miss Logic’ because of my analytical approach to everything. So it doesn’t make sense that I would be so easily derailed by fears of things that might happen… of anti-fantasies involving worst-case scenarios befalling loved ones, or sometimes even myself. It doesn’t make sense. and it certainly cannot continue.
What do I do to eliminate this unreasoning fear from my life? What is it’s source? These are things I really need to pray and meditate on. I need to think this through. I can’t keep doing this to myself and to Paul, who has had to deal with my hysteria more than a few times. Fear is useless and harmful. I need to eliminate it from my life. I must strive to become fearless, if I am going to continue growing.
~
Litany Against Fear
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
From Dune by Frank Herbert
I can definitely empathize with you on this topic. I haven’t had a panic attack in over a year, but there was a time in my life that I was having them daily which was quite debilitating. I am a number one worry wart and worse case scenario drama queen. What I’ve discovered is that fear itself is not the enemy; fear can be a good thing sometimes. What we need to do is “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways” which is a title of a book , I believe, although I haven’t read it. When you feel the fear, the adrenaline flows and can propel you forward. Just think of a time when you confronted and overcame a fear and remember the exhiliration you felt, the absolute feeling of being in control! What I have found, at least with myself, that it all boils down to “control”. I worry about future events because I can not control what has not happened or I can not control the actions of another. It is easier to deal with a present stress perhaps because it is more tangible and “easier” to maintain some control.
Just my $0.02. FWIW.
Anyway…this too shall pass!
Take care,
Cindy
I’m really sorry you’ve had this experience.
I think that sometimes logic and fear can be at war in us. It’s easy to get sucked into a vortex of “what if”, especially during times of huge stress, and then maybe it’s partly the beating yourself up because logically you ’shouldn’t’ worry that makes things worse. Logic and emotion are not easy bedfellows.
You imply you’re great in a real crisis, and I bet you are, it sounds like the fears of what might happen that are the problem.
For what it’s worth, my advice would be to keep a notebook and write down each anxiety as it occurs to you. This can be cathartic in itself. After six months, read back over the book. Divide your anxieties into two: the bunch of things you were fearful about but never happened; the bunch of fear that did happen in some way, and how you dealt with it. I had a coaching client once who did this and said it gave her much better perspective.
And keep breathing, and being present, and stroking Siofra.
I use to have daily panic attacks. I did notice that I was more prone to panic attacks when 2 situaltions exhisted together: 1. when I was under a lot of stress 2. when I was not getting enough sleep, or sleeping poorly.
Speaking as a Christian and as someone who suffered from panic attacks for most of my life, I have this for you:
Isaiah 41:10 (New American Standard Bible)
Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand
There are, of course, many more scriptures, but this happens to be my favorite. When anxiety strikes, I don’t look around or to myself, I look to God and all fear is gone. He’s always in control! Sometimes I think the panic attacks remind me that I need to trust Him more and myself less. I am grateful to be able to tell you that I have not had a panic attack in 6 or 7 years. God Bless.
Hi Lisa,
I don’t get the panic attacks that you do but I can relate to worry and the worry about things that have not happened yet. It can really drag you down as your mind spirals out of control over things. I know one time I had enough of it and I wrote down on a piece of paper all those things that were bothering me. Trust me I filled the page! I then found a nice container and I set the paper on fire to “release” them into the Universe for somebody else to worry about. I have to say that it worked. I think it is a control thing as Cindy said and by doing this little thing I took control and let it go. I am not really sure it would be a good idea to set things on fire in your apartment but maybe you could find some other physical way of releasing the worry.
Brenda
Please do not hesitate to seek medical counsel. The panic attacks can lead to panic attacks about having panic attacks and this is a terrible cycle to get going. I know from experience.