Chasing Grace

It’s 80 degrees out. Eighty. Degrees. Out. It’s 80 flippin’ degrees at 5:00 in the flippin’ evening.

I think we just skipped spring and went straight from winter to summer. That happens in New England. But then again, it is New England and next week it could be freezing again. Or maybe not. After seven years of living here, I still haven’t quite figured out this northeastern weather stuff.

But that doesn’t matter right now. Because it’s 80 degrees outside. I just enjoyed a lovely walk in the sun. I didn’t see any snow on the ground. It’s very quiet around here, and I’m very happy at the moment. I’ve got BBQ chicken in the oven and a cold Guinness at my side. Life is good. Life is always good if you just let it be so.

I have this aversion to food lately. Not when we are dining out. When we are out and about, and we stop for a snack or a meal, I my appetite is fine. I actually have a difficult time not ordering everything on the menu, and yes I’ll have fries with that. No, it’s when I am at home. I just don’t feel like eating lately.

It isn’t that I need to cook when I’m at home. We don’t keep a lot of ‘convenience foods’ in the house. We buy mostly fresh, basic ingredients and make our own dishes from scratch. But I love to cook, so that’s not the problem. Maybe it’s nerves, because I can’t relax here anymore. Sometimes after I’ve eaten, I get a stomach ache, so I’m leaning more toward the ‘nerves’ thing.

Consequently I’ve been feeling lightheaded. It’s that lightheaded feeling you get when you are ‘dieting’ - i.e. not eating nearly enough - in an effort to shrink yourself. I was a bit worried about the lightheadedness, thinking that maybe there was something wrong with me, until I remembered this is how I used to feel years ago when I practiced the starvation method of weight loss. (I don’t recommended it, by the way, it’s a good way to make yourself very sick and you only gain all the weight back quickly once you start eating normally again).

Today I made some kielbasa with onions and mustard on-the-side. It was super yummy with a nice cold Guinness. I enjoyed my lunch, and suddenly no longer feel lightheaded. Go figure. So I’m going to have to make an effort to prepare meals when I’m by myself and stop trying to get by on string cheese and granola bars.

Or is it daze?

Paul had Monday and Tuesday off from work. Monday we visited the recently renovated Currier Museum of Art, which was lovely. We saw, among other things, pieces from some of my favorites; Monet, Hopper, Sargent, Parrish, Wyeth, Remington, and Alma-Tadema.

As we’re planning to move to the Concord area, we spent Tuesday driving and walking around the city of Concord and the surrounding neighborhoods. It’s very pleasant for a city. The area around it is quiet, and you don’t have to go far to be in country. I’m sure we’ll find the perfect place by the time we are ready to move in July.

Photos of the Concord Statehouse and Memorial Archway.

It was a nice four days. We did a little shopping and a little dining out. Nothing too extravagant, as the savings must grow not shrink. But it was a much needed mini vacation for both of us. Paul went back to work yesterday, and I did laundry and took a nap. Life is back to ‘normal’ for the time being.

I am happy to report that I have not yet lost my sanity. Siofra has begun to eat her meals again, and is keeping them down. For a while there she would not eat, and would sit and stare at the ceiling during the ‘child-storms’. But I think she has finally adjusted to the noise and is back on schedule again. As I write this, she is happily napping in the rocking chair in the living room.

I feel a bit silly walking around my house with headphones on, but they do block out the noise nicely. Only when the child upstairs brutally body-slams himself onto the floor (or whatever it is he is actually doing; and I assume it’s the boy - I suppose it could be one of the girls), does the sound of beams creaking and snapping break through the music. (No, I do not exaggerate. I only hope we can move out before the ceiling gives way. I half expect to discover cracks in the ceiling plaster.)

I’ve had to abandon watching the evening news while enjoying my dinner. The headphones don’t work with our teevee. I only get sound in my left ear and it’s quite tinny. It does nothing at all to drown out the pounding, rolling thunder upstairs. It’s a pity because that was my way of unwinding at the end of the day. So it’s yogurt and a glass of water for me. It’s about all my stomach can handle right now anyway.

The good news is that I can watch movies on the computer, provided they aren’t too quiet. I can play DVDs with my headphones plugged in. I set up a relatively comfy camp chair in front of the monitor and put my feet up on the office chair. I’ve been having my yogurt while watching old movies and teevee shows from Netflix. I’m catching up on a lot of old episodes of shows I missed when they originally aired. I just started Carnivale and I’m enjoying it immensely. It’s dark, moody, and creepy with lush production values and a wonderful soundtrack. I know it was canceled after two seasons, and I think it’s a shame. But at least I can enjoy those two seasons for what they are. And there are tons more movies and shows on Netflix. Between that, and reading the tons of books I’ve been meaning to catch up on, I’ve got plenty to keep me occupied and distracted for the time being.

One day at a time. It’s only a few more months. I can do it.

Siofra and I were able to enjoy a brief lull between ‘neighbor-child storms’ this morning. She in the sun, and I in my rocking chair. Pure bliss.

I’m sure you’ve heard this before. The truth is, that life is full of challenges. Some are harder than others, and they can come one right after another. The challenges themselves are not what matter. What matters is how you handle them.

Recently I’ve been confronted with, what is for me, an extremely trying situation. As I’ve mentioned before I’m extremely sensitive to my surroundings. I’m easily overwhelmed by noise and chaos. If it’s bad enough, I can become physically ill. (Folks who aren’t ‘wired’ this way can’t understand this, and that’s okay. If you think it’s crap, that’s fine. But it’s reality for me, and lots of other folk who are like me).

Now our apartment building, the barrier between floor and ceiling is paper-thin. You can hear conversations in the apartment above and below you if it’s quiet enough. This weekend a new tenant moved in upstairs. She is a young woman with three small children. They are very active little ones, and they can become quite active for hours at a time. There have been times in the past three days that the walls and ceiling of my home have shaken and creaked as if we were having a small earthquake. I can hear the dishes rattling in my kitchen cupboards. Because of my sensitivity, I have been extremely stressed by this. As a matter of fact, I have missed my evening meal for the past two nights because my stomach is in such a state, I can’t eat.

It’s not really their fault. They are little ones, and they are playing. The weather has been dreadful and they can’t go outside to play. I understand all that, but it doesn’t help my situation. It’s what it is, and I have to deal with it until we finish saving enough money to move out of here. As it stands now, that will be the end of July.

Life isn’t fair, and sometimes you just have to cope. This weekend we’re going to find me a nice set of noise-canceling headphones that I can wear around the house, and when I’m reading, meditating or napping. It’s not in the budget, but it’s something I desperately need right now if I’m going to continue living in this apartment till August. I’ve been wearing earplugs, but they are irritating after a while. At least while I’m sitting at the computer, I can listen to cd’s. The upside is I’m becoming reacquainted with a lot of music I haven’t listened to in ages. Also, not having dinner for the last two days is helping me to lose weight. Ha.

Really it’s just a matter of handling a new challenge. The goal is to get through the next four months without losing my sanity. I’m pretty sure I can do it. I simply have to take it one day at a time. And wear headphones.

I’ve been cooped up in this apartment for far too long. But winter is determined to linger, and I have been it’s prisoner. Thank god for Netflix! I’ve been catching up on some old movies I’ve been meaning to watch.

A slew of reviews:

Boogie Nights - Bleak and depressing. But very well-acted, and there are some genuinely funny moments. Worth one viewing, if you don’t mind the pr0nographic subject matter. Mark Wahlberg continues to surprise me with his acting. I think I just can’t get past his rap career, where he got his start. Maybe someday I’ll forget about it. Excellent performances by everyone, notably Philip Seymour Hoffman and Julianne Moore.

Orlando - At first I thought, ‘oh yay, feminist propaganda’. But, when you understand that the novel upon which the movie was based - penned by Virginia Woolf - was published in 1928, it’s feminist propaganda that was at one time relevant and necessary. It’s a wonderful poetic fantasy about gender identification, love, sex, spirit and growth. In this highly stylized and beautiful film, Tilda Swinton shines, as always. In fact, she is the reason I watched the film at all. I’m glad I did.

Mrs. Brown - Billy Connolly and Judi Dench. Queen Victoria and John Brown. England and Scotland. Friendship, politics, family, honor, and sacrifice. Great performances, cinematography, costumes, sets, direction and a good story. You can’t go wrong with this one.

Eat Drink, Man Woman - Good film. Not the best I’ve ever seen, but worth a viewing. All that cooking made me hungry. A nice story about family dynamics, and very funny in places.

Ratatouille - Awesome! Another gem from Brad Bird. Animated, but definitely for grownups. I’ve been raving about it since I watched it. It’s about cooking and creating, but more importantly it’s about being true to yourself no matter what and following your heart. “Not everyone can be a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.” I’ll be watching this one again. It’s a keeper.

I was sitting in Paul’s comfy chair watching teevee while having lunch today. Siofra came in and sat in front of me, giving me a doleful stare. I knew what she wanted.

I got up and pulled the wool lap blanket from the back of the chair, and arranged it on the seat. Her Highness proceeded to jump onto the blanket and curl up in the chair and begin her bath-before-nap ritual. It’s one of her favorite napping spots.

I sat in the other chair - my chair - to finish lunch.

Yeah, I know. But I can’t help it. It makes me happy to see her so happy. She’s just a cat, but she’s also my little buddy. She keeps me company while I’m stuck here in the house all day.

It’s pathetic the way some people spoil their pets. But the company they give makes it worth it, in my opinion anyway.

Sick. I haven’t been this sick in ages. Paul caught a bad cold about a week ago, and now I’ve got it. It was inevitable, of course. When one of us gets sick, the other one is never far behind.

This one is persistent. We’ve decided if we don’t start feeling better in a couple of days we’ll have to see the doctor. It’s a good think we’ve got insurance finally, through Paul’s new job. I hate going to the doctor for anything, and I’m about ready to go now. That should tell you how bad I feel.

It doesn’t help that the weather has been brutally cold and ugly. We got a half a foot of snow on Friday and it looks like we’ll be getting more snow on Tuesday. This winter started in November and hasn’t let up much since. It’s hard to feel better when you can’t get fresh air and sunshine on a daily basis.

I hate being sick. I’m not very good at it. I’m tired of winter and I’m ready for spring now, thank you very much.

Last weekend was great. Paul and I did a lot of running around. We went shopping on Saturday, and finally got haircuts. Yay! I love my new cut. I tried long layers, and I love it. It’s about time I updated my hairstyle.

On Sunday we visited his mom in Maynard Massachusetts, and then went to check out The Natick Collection (formerly the Natick Mall) afterward. They have so many wonderful stores there, and it was the first time I’ve been in a Nordstrom since we left Rhode Island.

I love Nordstrom. It’s my favorite department store… evah! The lower level of the new wing is were we found all the really cool stores, like Bottega Veneta, Brighton Collectibles, Clarks, Karen Millen, L’Occitane, Michael Kors, and Thomas Pink. Paul was happy to browse at Tommy Bahama and the Art of Shaving.

Of course, we won’t be shopping much at any of these place until we make all those millions. But it was really fun to browse anyway.